I’m hittin’ the road in about 4 hours, but here’s a hint of things to come…

I’m guessing that maybe 3 people who read this will recognize the pictured object.

My right hand and wrist are still giving significant trouble, so I’m keeping the typing to a minimum. Not that I’ve been blogging all that heavily lately, but now I have an EXCUSE. Kinda like the way I would get a doctor’s note in high school to get out of swimming in gym class. Sitting on the bench and watching the girls walk around in their swimsuits was much more my style…

In Other News, I found myself awake and unable to get back to sleep at 4:30 AM, so I’ve spent the last hour or so listening to the notorious Metal Machine Music. From the linked article:

Metal Machine Music is generally considered to be either a joke, a begrudging fulfillment of a contractual obligation, or an early example of noise music. [Lou] Reed himself has said of the album, “I was serious about it. I was also really, really stoned.”

I don’t know how I’ll feel about it in the light of day. But right now, I get it. See, it’s all an allegory about the Spanish Civil War…

… but it’s not what you’re thinking.

I’ve occasionally mentioned my perpetually messed-up wrists before; I have a genetic predisposition for ganglion cysts. In fact, I’ve had them continually for about 17 years now. According to Wikipedia:

Sometimes they may cause limitations of movement and can also cause weakness, pain and paraesthesia (pins and needles) if they press on adjacent nerves.

Yes to all of the above. My range of motion is cut down by maybe 40%, and when the cysts get inflamed they hurt like hell. If you guessed that handgun recoil doesn’t help the situation, you get a gold star for the day.

Anyways, while wrangling a highly agitated Unforgiving Puppy at the vet’s office this morning, the little furball managed to jolt my wrist hard enough to rupture the cyst. If you guessed that this produced no small amount of pain, you get a second gold star AND a cookie!

So now I’m lying on the couch, waiting for the Naproxen to kick in and give me a little relief. The good news is that my wrist is likely to be alright for a few months. Then, of course, the cycle starts all over.

The medical profession would have you believe that the long-term solution calls for getting a good orthopedic surgeon to go in and clean house, digging out all the scar tissue and the source of the cysts. Since I don’t much care for doctors, hospitals, or surgery, I’m trying a different tactic. I’m going to buy myself a Magnum Research BFR in .475 Linebaugh. It’s a fantastic idea: every time a cyst develops, I’ll just go to the range and squeeze off a round. Instant cyst removal!

I tell ya, sometimes I’m so smart it’s scary.

Yr Obt Svt will be out of town later this week to attend the nuptuals of his best friend in, of all places, New Jersey. Not planning to bring the laptop, so there probably won’t be any updates between Wednesday and Sunday/Monday. I know you’ll all find the inner strength to carry on in my absence.

This will be the first in a whole string of weddings this summer, and it’s the only one I’m excited about. The fact that there’s a woman willing to MARRY this guy, ’til death do us part, etc., is mind-boggling. Even more amazing, she’s hot and smart. So I’m happy for them and I very much look forward to getting blind drunk on free booze celebrating their sacred union. Apparently the bride has already issued warnings that one of the groomsmen is, and I quote: “trouble.” My reputation precedes me.

Then my cousin gets hitched two weeks later here in Michigan (Amanda, you’re my arm-candy for that one), there’s one or two in August that I’m gonna try like hell to avoid, and finally an old high school friend has her Big Day at the end of October. I’m gonna go as Frankenstein, I think. Or maybe Joey Ramone.

Oh, then there’s the one that isn’t happening anymore because someone (we’re not naming names) ended up naked, in a park, with the bride-to-be, at 2 AM a couple weeks ago. Yeah, I have no idea how to fix THAT clusterfuck.

As for me, well… to paraphrase Groucho, I wouldn’t want to be a part of any marriage that would have me as a member.

Kelli Garner, who’s an actress or something.

Here’s a clip of Television playing “Venus” in Central Park just a few days ago. Guitarist Richard Lloyd was absent; he’s been in the hospital with pneumonia for the past month. This was going to be his last show with the band after 34 years.

You ever wake up with one of those headaches that gets progressively worse throughout the day until you end up clinging limply to the toilet bowl in between bouts of vomiting so violent that you wouldn’t be surprised to see bones coming out of your mouth?

Yeah, those are fun.

This kind of thing NEVER happens at Coal Creek Armory, right ColtCCO, Doc and Tam?

On a related note, girls who wear chokers = hot.

I got nothin’ for ya.

Well, that’s not entirely true. I do have this link to an article about one of my all-time favorite movies.

Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.

Sorry, had some distractions this weekend. Anyways, at the request of my friend Maureen, here’s Kat Von D from Miami Ink.