The Flying Spaghetti Monster is fucking with me.

Yes, I’m supposed to be in Tennessee right now. No, I am not, in point of fact, there. And at this point the whole goddamn thing has just become absurd…

I was going to leave last Tuesday, but had to push things back due to a family issue. Then I was going to leave on Sunday…

Well, on Saturday night I slipped on some ice and busted my ass so hard I felt my tailbone hit my back teeth. I’m fairly certain it’s broken, but there isn’t much one can do for a broken tailbone. In any case, I wasn’t about to subject my busted ass to an eight-hour drive the next day. I figured I’d treat Sunday as a day of rest and leave Monday…

Which, coincidentally, was the day chosen by The Unforgiving Puppy as Ear Infection Day. The very same puppy also threw such an unholy shit-fit at the vet’s office that the bill somehow came out to $350.

So here I sit, pondering whether to even TRY leaving tomorrow morning…

  1. His Noodley Appendage will touch you and help you today.

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