While my Confessions of a Gun Snob, Part II awaits the finishing touches (I only have to outline, write, edit, and post it), I decided to go ahead today and hit one of my personal pet peeves with the modern gun biz: markings.

Far-fetched as it may seem today, there once was a time when gunmakers were not severely brain-damaged in designing and applying logos, model names, serial numbers, and other typographical details. In fact, they were pretty damn good at it. The classic Winchester script was (and still is) instantly identifiable yet unobtrusive. Smith & Wesson’s shield logo speaks of understated pride. Perhaps best of all is the Colt logo with the swoopy C and, of course, the Rampant Colt. They’re all classic designs that looked good decades ago and still look good today.

Contrast that with, say, Kimber. Say what you will about their guns, their logo sucks. Not that it’s necessarily a bad design, it’s just totally inappropriate for a gun company. It looks like a tattoo you’d see on the small of a woman’s back, not something that belongs on the side of a 1911. And as with the tramp stamp, the deeply carved slide marking will only get tackier and more dated with each passing year.

Still, a Kimber looks tasteful next to these masterworks from STI. WHAT’S WRONG GUYS, COULDN’T FIND A BIGGER FONT?

And how about this elegant little number by S&W? See, they put that stylized atom on there so you know you didn’t get ripped off; the gun you just bought is made of genuine MATTER.

Finally, if you’re serializing your guns with those awful laser dot-matrix numbers, just give up and go home; you’re in the wrong line of work. Those things look like shit and make refinishing a pain in the ass and possible felony to boot. We had real, stamped serial numbers for a long, long time and there’s no reason why we can’t still have them today.