Click here to read the full story, or proceed to the Cliff’s Notes version:

Dude gets out of prison after serving 15 years for killing his own kid and immediately starts banging his first cousin.

He then finds out that said cousin is having a lesbian fling with another first cousin.

So he decides to settle things by stabbing them both, killing one and leaving the other in critical condition.

Oh, and the one he killed? She’s the mother of his 5-month-old daughter.

And it all went down just a couple blocks away.

I need to get the hell outta this town.