Click here to read the full story, or proceed to the Cliff’s Notes version:

Dude gets out of prison after serving 15 years for killing his own kid and immediately starts banging his first cousin.

He then finds out that said cousin is having a lesbian fling with another first cousin.

So he decides to settle things by stabbing them both, killing one and leaving the other in critical condition.

Oh, and the one he killed? She’s the mother of his 5-month-old daughter.

And it all went down just a couple blocks away.

I need to get the hell outta this town.

pdb: “You must have a stomach like a spall liner.”

I should clarify the recipe a bit. You don’t drink the shot of mezcal, you cook with it. Here’s how I do it:

Chop up the veggies and throw ‘em in the pan, along with the shot of mezcal. Cook over medium-low heat until the mezcal cooks off. This gives the veggies a nice smoky flavor.

Add the chorizo and cheese, mixing thoroughly with a spatula. The grease from the sausage will keep everything from sticking to the pan, while the melted cheese will hold everything together nicely. I normally dump in a bunch of hot sauce at this point, too.

Once the chorizo falls apart and starts cooking, throw in the eggs and scramble everything together. Cook ’til it’s done.

Note that all the alcohol burns off, so you’ll want to have a beer on standby.

After a vicious night in Migraine Hell, I started the day feeling like I’d been shot at and missed and shit at and hit. Fortunately, there is a cure.

Huevos del Diablo. Eggs, jalapeno cheese, chorizo, onions, garlic, peppers, lots of Cholula hot sauce, and a shot of cheap mezcal.

I feel better already.

Years ago I was a big fan of Jeff Koyen’s Crank Magazine. At some point after he ended Crank, I stopped following his work. Just today I found out that he’s still kicking, and his current project is here. It’s good to see he’s hanging on.

I’m a pretty easygoing guy. I don’t take life too seriously, and I think that shows through on the blog. I had that one little cold-medicine-fueled temper tantrum about telemarketers, but no reasonable person could hold that against me. Otherwise, I keep things pretty upbeat… in a cynical, bitter sort of way.

Every once in a while, though, something like this just ruins my whole damn day.

What the bloody hell is WRONG with these people? What combination of massive drug abuse, traumatic head injury and congenital mental defect does it take to make someone think that the human stick figure there is more attractive than the “fat” girl?

Women are SUPPOSED to be round and curvy. They’re SUPPOSED to have boobs and hips and butts and all those other wonderful parts. They are NOT supposed to look like the stop-motion skeletons from Jason and the Argonauts:

Typical fashion show, 2006

Yes, some people are naturally skinny. I happen to be one of those people. I’m not saying ALL women should be built like one of Coop’s famous devil girls. But goddamn it, telling that woman that she’s too fat is fucking criminal.

And I thought I had some bad ideas now and then…

Amid the usual death threats and marriage proposals, I’ve had a few email inquiries about the picture in the preceding post.

See, I just thought it would be funny to take Col. Kurtz’s famous line from Apocalypse Now and put it in that particular scene from A Christmas Story. Two well-known movie confrontations juxtaposed with hilarious results. At least I thought it was hilarious. Apparently, no one else did. I have a strange sense of humor.

Anyways, I think the funniest part about the picture is the subtle implication that sweet little Ralphie Parker is about to slaughter Santa with a machete while The Doors blare on the soundtrack. See above re: my sense of humor.

The horror… The horror…

—–

In other news, the Thanksgiving leftovers have all finally been dispatched, even though that meant I was forced to eat a third of a pumpkin pie for breakfast. One must make sacrifices in life.

Too obscure?

Today marked the official start of Super Extra Happy Family Fun Season. I’ll be spending more time with my family over the next month than I do during the other 11 combined. In light of that distressing fact, today I was most thankful for this:

Damn, it’s just about time for another trip to the local Booze-O-Rama. It’ll be Sauza Hornitos next time; I’m not particularly crazy about 1800.

I’m also thankful that pdb arm-twisted me into starting my humble little blog. pdb, I salute you thusly:

Hmm, that makes two blatantly sexist sexy picture posts in two days. Could we be witnessing the start of a new trend?

Eh, probably not.

Y’know, that dress can’t be very comfortable.